by mothersasleaders | Jan 20, 2026 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
Technology and AI continue to reshape the labor market, and frequent job changes have become the norm. While you can’t stop the wheels from spinning, you can pause and ask yourself:
Why am I here? How am I making a difference — for my family, my team, my community?
Almost ten years ago, in 2017, I found myself at a similar crossroads. I wasn’t unhappy, but there was a quiet discomfort. I was good at what I did yet not truly stretched. That’s when I chose to begin my Systemic Team Coaching diploma with the AoEC. For me, impact mattered — and still does. That decision shaped my current career path.
When discomfort whispers, pay attention.
You may be performing well. Your work is solid. Your reputation is intact. And yet… something feels slightly off. Opportunities seem narrower than they should. Your energy is uneven. You’re not stuck, but you’re not fully stretched either. The start of a new year often amplifies this feeling. Goals reset. Expectations rise. And the big question surfaces:
What do I do next? Strengthen… or rebrand?
These two moves are often confused. They are not the same — and choosing the wrong one can slow your momentum rather than accelerate it. Knowing the difference is a strategic skill.
Why “rebranding” is often the wrong first question. Rebranding sounds bold and proactive, but it is frequently misunderstood. It is not a response to restlessness. It is not about wanting something different.
True rebranding is needed only when there is a misalignment between how you are known and the value you are ready to deliver next. Many professionals skip the diagnostic step. They change titles or language without understanding whether the real issue is perception, utilization, or direction.
Tip: Before you rebrand, seek clarity. Most career missteps come from acting on assumptions rather than evidence.
Common assumptions include:
- “People don’t see my full value.”
- “I need to pivot to stay relevant.”
- “What made me successful before won’t work now.”
Some may be true. Many are incomplete. The real work is understanding what matters to you and what matters to the organization that hired you.
Strengthening vs. Rebranding
- Strengthening is about making your existing value clearer, broader, and more visible.
You may need strengthening if:
- You are respected but underutilized
- Your contributions are strong but narrowly defined
- You’re trusted, but not invited into bigger conversations
- Your role has grown, but others still see you through an older lens
In these cases, your reputation isn’t wrong — it’s incomplete.
What helps: Clarify what you want to be relied on for. Expand your contribution. Make your judgment visible. Align your work with where the organization is going. This is evolution, not reinvention.
- Rebranding becomes necessary when your current reputation limits your future direction.
You may need to rebrand if:
- Your reputation blocks new opportunities
- You are typecast in a way that no longer fits
- Your strengths are tied to a role that is disappearing
- You want to move into work your current brand cannot support
Rebranding requires letting go of parts of how you are known, helping others update their mental model of you, and creating new evidence of performance. This is structural, not cosmetic.
A personal note
In 2017, I began by strengthening — investing in my coaching skills. Two years later, after completing my Senior Practitioner diploma, I realized I needed to rebrand from HR/OD Consultant to Leadership Coach and author. It wasn’t a single leap. It was a sequence.
Closing Reflection
Not every career moment calls for reinvention. Not every plateau is a problem. The most effective professionals are not those who constantly rebrand — but those who know when to strengthen and when to shift.
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About the Author:
Steliana van de Rijt-Economu is a leadership (team) coach, global speaker, and author of the best-selling books “Parentship: A Leadership Guide for Families and Teams” and ‘Mothers as Leaders’. She is the founder of “Mothers as Leaders – learning across borders”, Linkedin community, a place dedicated to empowering working parents—especially women—to lead with purpose both at home and in the workplace
by mothersasleaders | Nov 26, 2025 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
Turkey has become the centerpiece of Thanksgiving in the United States. After living here for four years, I still wonder why this bird was chosen to symbolize gratitude for the pilgrims’ survival. 
I grew up in Romania, in a small ethnic community with roots in Northern Greece. For us, the biggest Christian Orthodox celebration is Easter — and lamb is the meal of choice.
My son became intrigued by the “turkey tradition,” so he and my husband recorded a special Thanksgiving episode of their podcast Zero Gravity called Eating Turkey Over Thanksgiving. They each took a position and presented arguments for and against it. The result is an entertaining twenty-minute dialogue that mostly shows how much fun they have as a team.
Celebrations usually begin as tokens of group values and community identity. But when we stop sharing the story behind them and only focus on the easy, fast symbols that money can buy, “celebration” quietly turns into “tradition.” And tradition, without meaning, becomes habit.
That shift from meaning to habit is exactly why, in my research interviews forth the latest book Parentship in Families as Teams, I invited parents to pause and ask themselves:
• Why are we doing this event, activity, or party?
• Is it for us? For the kids? Or maybe for what the neighbors, school, or peers might think?
• Does it bring us joy or satisfaction? Or is it quietly draining the joy we’re trying to create?
So, I ask you, dear reader:
🌱 What’s one tradition you are ready to drop this year?
🌱 What’s one new ritual you’d love to start?
The holiday season can make the invisible load feel heavier — not just for mothers, but for fathers too. The “holiday magic maker” role often falls on one person, but the impact is felt by the whole team.
🎉 Celebration Tips from Chapter 14: Building Family Team Rituals That Matter
In Chapter 14 of Parentship, we explore how celebration and recognition rituals can transform family dynamics. Here are a few practical ways to bring that spirit into your home this season:
• Start a Gratitude Circle: Before meals, take turns thanking someone in the family for a recent contribution — from cooking dinner to helping with homework.
• Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcomes: Acknowledge when someone tries something new or shows kindness, even if the result isn’t perfect.
• Design Your Own Rituals: Whether it’s Friday pizza night, a winter walk, or a shared playlist for decorating the tree — make it yours.
• Honor Transitions: Birthdays, graduations, or even the end of a tough week can be marked with a simple ritual of acknowledgment.
These rituals don’t need to be elaborate. What matters is that they’re intentional, shared, and rooted in your family’s values.
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About the Author:
Steliana van de Rijt-Economu is a leadership (team) coach, global speaker, and author of the best-selling books “Parentship: A Leadership Guide for Families and Teams” and ‘Mothers as Leaders’. She is the founder of “Mothers as Leaders – learning across borders”, Linkedin community, a place dedicated to empowering working parents—especially women—to lead with purpose both at home and in the workplace
by mothersasleaders | Sep 25, 2025 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
For years, the leadership speech for women has been shaped by one idea: to be taken seriously, we must emulate the powerful male
archetype—assertive, outspoken, extraverted. I lived that story in my 20s and 30s—I wore serious pantsuits, looked people straight in the eye, used humor to defuse tension, just like men do. I thought they’ll listen. It worked. I climbed the corporate career ladder, earned respect, and built a career. But something shifted in my late 30s and 40s. Motherhood cracked open a new dimension in me—I started to question the value of achievement, material things, and speed over safety, long-term responsibility, and quiet determination.
Perhaps there is a difference between women as leaders and mothers as leaders.
And it’s time we name it.
Mothers tap into a unique pool of feminine intuition and wisdom that comes from the need to protect the vulnerable. They are not all “Mother Theresa” types, of course. Some are more like Queen Consort Catherine de Medici of France, who made three of her sons kings and ultimately sacrificed the family for royal longevity—strategic, visionary, and sometimes ruthless. Mother-leaders don’t need a throne or a title to shape the future and do the right thing—they act when the situation calls for it.
In recent years, diversity policies have encouraged the rise of women leaders who embody “yang” traits—bold, visible, and vocal. That’s progress. But let’s not overlook the quiet power of mother-leaders who get things done through others, who build trust, who listen deeply, and who lead with love. They are not Napoleons, conquering new lands. Mothers are gardeners of human potential.
I see them every day. Elena and Saule, my Toastmasters club colleagues, are shining examples. They “mothered” a Gavel public speaking club for children. Their impact is tremendous. They do more and talk less. They smile, guide, and empower. They even make us look good in pictures. That’s what mother-leaders do. They face sleepless nights, emotional storms, and the weight of responsibility—and still show up with grace. They are determined. They know that true leadership is not about being in charge, but about caring deeply and acting wisely.
So I ask you, dear reader:
🌱 Do you have examples of mother-leaders around you at work?
🌱 Who are they, and what impact do they have on the people around them?
🌱 Do you recognize the mother-leader traits in yourself?
Let’s expand our definition of leadership. It’s time to unveil the quiet, strategic, nurturing force that mother-leaders bring to the table.
Let’s make space for leaders who build legacies not through domination, but through devotion and commitment.
How can you embrace your inner mother-leader?
- 💖 Truly know yourself and truly love yourself—acknowledge your strengths, vulnerabilities, and biases.
- 🌍 Explore the universe around you, beyond your family—your ideas matter.
- 🌸 Blossom and share your ideas with enthusiasm—don’t wait for permission.
- 🤝 Help and receive help—leadership is not a solo act.
- 🌟 Believe in yourself—never use negative words about yourself. Don’t apologize for your influence. Your voice is powerful.
Leadership starts with you.
Invest in your happiness and your dreams. Whether you’re a mother by birth, by spirit, or by action, your leadership leaves a lasting imprint. Let’s recognize it.
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About the Author:
Steliana van de Rijt-Economu is a leadership (team) coach, global speaker, and author of the best-selling books “Parentship: A Leadership Guide for Families and Teams” and ‘Mothers as Leaders’. She is the founder of “Mothers as Leaders – learning across borders”, Linkedin community, a place dedicated to empowering working parents—especially women—to lead with purpose both at home and in the workplace
by mothersasleaders | Sep 3, 2025 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
“It is hard to be a woman. You must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl, and work like a horse.”
I’m sure you’ve all heard the famous jokes—mostly made by
men—about the perfect woman. There’s a kind of self-inflicted pain we women experience when aiming to become the ideal woman.
Personality traits like perfectionism and the inner drive to please others tend to negatively impact our work-life balance. I’m not a perfectionist, but I don’t like to say “no,” and I enjoy helping others, which means my day fills up pretty quickly. Learning to say “no” and making personal choices about the activities where I know I can truly have an impact was one of the first lessons I had to learn in my career.
What is the perfect balance? Sometimes I think work-life balance is a myth—or just a catchy phrase HR professionals use to lure new hires. For me, there’s no silver bullet. You either have a quiet job that eventually becomes too quiet and doesn’t give you the adrenaline you need, or a chaotic, fast-paced job that leaves you exhausted at the end of the day.
It’s all about making the right choice for you at the right time.
I sometimes think we should just let go and accept our imperfections. It’s what makes us human—and it’s what makes us truly beautiful.
Through 
my qualitative research with women—mothers from across geographies and social ranks—I’ve come to understand that work-life balance is not a fixed destination. It’s a moving object, constantly shaped by time and place.
But there is a way to stay true to yourself and your dreams while navigating the chaos. Five key behaviours emerged from these conversations—simple, powerful actions that help us aim for balance without losing ourselves:
- Know Yourself: Understand your strengths, vulnerabilities, and biases.
- Explore: Stay curious and open-minded.
- Give and Receive Help: Don’t be afraid to ask and be generous when you can.
- Blossom: Let your enthusiasm shine—don’t dim your light.
- Believe in Yourself: Trust your instincts and your worth.
These ‘Dare to Dream” behaviours aren’t a checklist—they’re a compass. They won’t eliminate the pressure, but they can guide us through it with grace and authenticity.
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About the Author:
Steliana van de Rijt-Economu is a leadership (team) coach, global speaker, and author of the best-selling books “Parentship: A Leadership Guide for Families and Teams” and ‘Mothers as Leaders’. She is the founder of “Mothers as Leaders – learning across borders”, Linkedin community, a place dedicated to empowering working parents—especially women—to lead with purpose both at home and in the workplace
by mothersasleaders | Feb 24, 2021 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
With all the events and restrictions of past year you might think: ‘it’s ok to feel a bit: ‘meh…everybody does’. Someone once said that a problem shared is a problem doubled:). According to Yuval Noah Harari ‘s Homo sapiens human progress was possible due to the ability of humans to share stories and gossips. More than that, pointing to a common enemy, it has been the rulers leadership method most used in the past millennia. In fighting our common enemy, the COVID pandemic, our government managed to keep people united and its spread sort of manageable (some might debate it) for the first part of last year.
Unfortunately, the civic obedience while waiting for the big boss government to save us, transformed us in victims of circumstance with the only hope of surviving through this period while waiting for the vaccine to bring us salvation.
In The Netherlands we are soon celebrating a year since the first lock-down started and it is a sad milestone. The reservoirs of patience, perseverance and strong will are depleting and the general mental fitness is taking a hit. If you wander what mental fitness is, it is the capacity to deal with life challenges with a positive rather than a negative mindset. I was fortunate to win a coaching grant for Shirzad Chamine positive intelligence April last year and it proved to be the inspiration I need it.
Some cynical people challenged me in the past, as to why do you need to be so positive and wanting to thrive. What’s wrong with being critical and just surviving if you just feel tired, frustrated or angry. Some people might say that negative emotions are good, they give you a …. in the backside and help you get your act together to deliver. Well, I tend to disagree. If performance comes as a result of a motivational push, it will not last long and it will cost your overall happiness. I know I made some wrong choices because of it, like applying for a role I didn’t want out of jealousy or out of frustration. Eventually, it didn’t end up well.
So, if thriving is what we want. How can we get more of it, and how can we stop all those negative feelings, from messing with our head and our ability to think clearly.
Well it is about building your mental muscles when you don’t need them. If we want to have beach ready abs, you don’t start training during the holiday, you do it before by going to the gym or practising on the mat at home.
In partnership with Shirzad’s positive intelligence company we started to offer mental fitness training as part of our coaching practice and I am must confess the results exceeded even my expectations. It’s not about the high-end training, it’s not about my coaching skills, it’s not about Shirzad’s wisdom, it is simply the level of challenge and difficulty people have to face nowadays and the sense of urgency to change that makes the Thrive with positive intelligence so effective.
About 10 days ago, Irina Palarie and myself led two panel sessions about it and we shared the key principles for thriving instead of surviving by increasing your mental fitness and positive intelligence:
- Mindset – If you’re not physically fit, you’d feel physical stress as you climb the stairs. If you’re not mentally fit, you’d feel mental stress, such as anxiety, frustration, or unhappiness as you try to deal with work, family and relationship challenges. You can train to become mentally fit.
- Definition – PQ is the measure of your Mental Fitness. It’s the best predictor of how happy you are and how well you perform relative to your potential. Unfortunately, 80% of people score below the minimum level of mental fitness (PQ) required for peak performance and happiness.
- Science – With recent breakthroughs in neuroscience, cognitive behaviour and technology we can now improve our mental fitness, but we need to do something about it, we need to train our muscles, just like we go to the gym.
- Method – There are 3 root core muscles that you can train to increase your PQ:
- Intercepting your Saboteurs – housed in the left side of your brain, the reptilian one.
- Nurturing your Sage – unique mental powers (i.e empathy, passion, curiosity) housed in the middle cortex
- Self-Command – if you would have command over your brain you wouldn’t stress out over what you can’t control, push away self-doubts, recover from disappointments immediately, and spend little time in anger, regret, or blame.
A good friend, Koen Timmermans, reminded me of a very powerful quote that sums up nicely, why thriving is so much better than surviving and worrying.
‘If it can be solved there is no need to worry and if it can’t be solved, worry is of no use’ (Dalai Lama XIV)
P.S: If you want to find out more about mental fitness or you just want to pick my brain on something that bothers you, DM me and for our free open events and articles : https://mothersasleaders.com/
by mothersasleaders | Jan 1, 2021 | A mother's inner world of emotions and feelings
The year 2020 showed me the illusion of the hyper-achiever mindset and reminded me that people won’t follow me because of the job title I hold, but they will listen when I speak with humility straight from the heart. They will listen even if my voice is not perfect, my accent is not posh or my pitch is not eloquent. They will listen because the message of ‘Mothers as Leaders’ unites across geographies and social classes.
New stage
I started 2020 thinking that I am going to have a weird year, it was supposed to be my transition year after a 20-year corporate life.
I decided to use my package to finance a year in which I will do what my heart desires, and that wasn’t per se lying on a beach in Bahamas. On the contrary, it was about getting myself ready for the new stage in my life.
Still I was starting this new life operating in the old way – I was careful, moderated and taking calculated- risks. I thought that being ambitious is a good thing, the hyper achiever streak it’s what got me from the girl who grew up on a farm in South East Romania to my current comfortable life. It must have been a good thing, right?
However at the end of 2019 I couldn’t explain the emptiness I felt inside and the shame I felt for leading a life without a higher purpose than earning a good salary and being better than my peers. I decided that 2020 would be the year for making some drastic changes, but little did I know that the whole planet would go through some drastic changes.
Emotional struggle
On January 1st 2020, I felt on top of the world and at the same time I was so much out of touch with reality, that it was painful to admit it. I was letting go of the safety net of a highly paid job for the uncertain life of an independent executive coach and writer and it was scary. I witnessed with my own eyes and ears how my father, my hero, was losing his mind and his body functions to a an extremely progressive parkinsonian disease. I didn’t want to accept that he might die, I was busy looking for options and solutions to fix this temporary situation I felt he was in. I couldn’t admit it. The hyper-achiever in me, the one who pushed me towards success in my career was becoming damaging to my ability to deal with this enormous emotional struggle.
Steliana of January 2020, sabotaged by the hyper-achiever was competitive, image and status conscious, good at covering up insecurities and showing up positive image. I would adapt my personality to fit what would be more impressive to the other and I was certainly goal oriented with a workaholic streak. Even my idea around good parenting was influenced by this mindset and I struggled admitting my vulnerabilities to my kids and because of that my ability to laugh, play with them was impacted. If I look back at the time when I was picking up the kids at the after-school at 6.30 pm every day, I remember feeling like as if I was on an automatic pilot mode. I drove them places and, in the evening offered a healthy meal but that was all – I didn’t have energy for more.
The tipping point became the month of February, few weeks before the March lockdown started. I booked a last-minute flight to visit my parents because my dad was taken into the hospital and the prognosis wasn’t good. When I saw him, I couldn’t believe my eyes, but still the ‘hyper-achiever’ in me was holding me back.
I kept telling myself that emotions get in the way of performance and I need it to the one in the family who deals with the doctors, with the hospital and making sure the problem is fixed. I thought I need it to focus on thinking and action. That’s what my sisters and my parents always expected of me.
Breaking down in tears wasn’t the way I saw myself reacting to the situation. Instead, I camouflaged my feelings for more than a month, starting with the time I was told by the doctors that there was no hope and all the way after the funeral. I was feeling sick in my body and loosing weight, but somehow I could keep pretending.
The news of the ‘lockdown’ found me in this state of numbness. When all travel stopped, when all social interactions stopped, I could finally slow down and listen to my inner emotions.
Perspective
Losing my father in the ICU ward weeks before the pandemic , gave me a sense of perspective but at the same time it allowed me to grow a sense of deep empathy for all the people losing their elderly parents due to COVID. I could feel their pain because I still had a ‘open wound’ myself.
I noticed that if I let go of targets and goals and the need to be successful I can enjoy the time I had with the kids at home, I can enjoy reviewing the home-working assignments and the adrenaline I was feeling when I had to ‘sell’ myself, my story and my book to companies and strangers. I didn’t have behind me the credentials and the well-known brand of the huge company I worked for before, but to my surprise – ‘Just being ME, seemed to be enough’.
The more I spoke to strangers via webinars, talks and in-house company presentations the more I saw that so many people struggle with similar issues. I wanted so deeply for them to also feel that ‘they are enough, and that they are awesome’ that I shared my most vulnerable emotions, because ‘how else can you talk about Empathy if you can’t empathize with yourself’.
It wasn’t a smooth journey and, as the year progressed, I have seen the hyper-achiever in me emerge many times, especially when I got rejected, refused or simply not accepted in a certain circle. Because as we all know, starting up a company is never easy and COVID didn’t make it easier. I could hear the hyper-achiever voice whisper in my ear: ‘If you can’t be outstanding, why bother. You must be efficient and effective. See what others do’.
Positive intelligence
But somehow this year was so extraordinarily different, I could fight that voice. I took up an extensive training on Positive Intelligence taught online by Stanford Lecturer Shirzad Chamine, and for the past 8 months, I introduced the habit of daily-practice of mindfulness through 2 minutes exercise and reflections. It helped me intercept my inner-saboteurs and to re-discover my inner strengths and qualities.
So, as I am leaving 2020 behind I am saying good-bye to the hyper-achiever Steliana and I am welcoming the power of empathy and the ability to navigate smoother through the unpredictable tides of life.
- Have the challenges of this year allowed you to exercise more self-compassion or shifted your inner dialogue?
This article was first published in Thrive Global , Arianna Huffington online magazine on December 28th, 2020. It is a wonderful community for well-being resources and community tips.
Technology and AI continue to reshape the labor market, and frequent job changes have become the norm. While you can’t stop the wheels from spinning, you can pause and ask yourself:
