by mothersasleaders | Dec 20, 2024 | Uncategorized
Time is not real, people are. 
“Do you have time to meet?” a dear friend asked me this morning. As I glanced at my Google Calendar with its back-to-back time blocks, my mind told me ‘I don’t,’ but my heart screamed, ‘Yes, of course.’ I missed our early morning walks. She has a calming voice perfect for poetry, and our ‘walk and talk’ sessions touch on everything from philosophy to parenting. As a poet and painter, she understands my creative writing stress. She truly sees and understands me.
We never have an agenda for our walks, yet I always gain more than I put in. I leave with new creative ideas, project inspirations, new people to meet, and blogs to read for re-energization. Meeting with her for 30-45 minutes buys me creative time. I always make time for Wen. Her question sparked an inner revolution against rigid calendars and agendas. I wanted to shout: ‘You don’t own me, dear Calendar. I am the Mistress of my castle.’
Why share these intimate December 19 morning reflections with you? My first calendar block this morning was to write an article about ‘End Year Reflections’ and my week-by-week Calendar Review method. This method helps me identify: How did I use my time this year? Which meetings and projects were valuable long-term, and which, in hindsight, were a bit of a waste of time?
My logical brain was pleased with the outcome – a well-organized table with columns for monthly weeks (Jan week 1, 2, 3, etc.), long-term impact/value of each meeting/session, and learnings (what should I do differently next time).
The good news: I saw clear patterns in my successes and failures. The lesson was similar to last year – ‘Spend more time on follow-up and reflections and less time on doing and initiating.’ Although there was a slight improvement from last year, the message remains the same. My bubbly personality and go-getter attitude help me initiate projects but not follow up and reflect. The solution isn’t changing my personality but adjusting my strategy: surrounding myself with calm, reflective, and patient people who can help build follow-up time.
Now, turning the tables to you – Truth or Dare? Do you dare to review your week-by-week calendar and face the honest time-management pattern? What will you discover?
Don’t fear the results. Ultimately, your heart will guide you towards the path of ease and flow that aligns with your personality. And that’s okay. Don’t become a victim of New Year resolutions and AI-generated goals influenced by the latest trends.
You are not a robot; you are human. A robot follows the calendar step-by-step. A human cheats and follows her heart. And that’s okay because humans are real, and time is not.
by mothersasleaders | Nov 5, 2024 | Developing leadership skills as mothers, Parenthood learning by doing, Uncategorized
As we leave Halloween behind and start preparing for Thanksgiving, I find myself reflecting on family dynamic’s—and on how they parallel the dynamics within professional teams. Over the past two weeks, I’ve been re-immersed in the “6 Conditions of a Team” as part of my Level 2 TDS training. The training has been refreshingly experiential, with regular team assignments to complete under tight deadlines. These shared challenges quickly bring genuine team dynamics and ingrained habits to the surface, pushing us to deliver under pressure. Even though we’re all experienced facilitators and coaches, we still rely on humor and transparency to navigate the bumps that arise.
The Team Diagnostic Survey (TDS) is a well-validated tool designed to diagnose the strengths and weaknesses of teams. Developed by Drs. Ruth Wageman, Richard Hackman, Erin Lehman, and colleagues at Harvard and other institutions, this assessment identifies six critical conditions that are key to team success and predict up to 80% of a team’s overall effectiveness. These include three Essential Conditions—having a Real Team, a Compelling Purpose, and the Right People—along with three Enablers: Work Design, Organizational Support, and Team Coaching. When these six conditions are met, three core team behaviors—Fostering Effort, Crafting Strategies, and Leveraging Talent—naturally emerge, driving meaningful results. Teams that meet these criteria are more likely to satisfy stakeholder needs, foster collective growth, and promote the learning and well-being of each team member.
Through this training, I’ve become even more attuned to how these six conditions and team behaviors relate to unspoken dynamics. In both family and professional settings, unaddressed frustrations or assumptions can disrupt these essential conditions. This is especially evident in my own family. Despite living far from my siblings, when we come together—especially around sensitive topics like our parents’ health—we often slip into familiar roles. One sibling might jump to bold solutions, another may sidestep the issue, and I often take on the mediator role. But underneath these roles lie unspoken frustrations that can become invisible barriers to true collaboration.
In my work with professional teams, I use a powerful technique called the “Dead Dog” or “Unspoken Behaviors” exercise, introduced to me by John Leary-Joyce at the Academy of Executive Coaching. This exercise is designed to safely bring hidden thoughts and assumptions to the surface—especially the behaviors that team members might typically avoid addressing.
The exercise works as follows:
- List Unspoken Concerns: Each team member anonymously writes down an issue they feel impacts team dynamics, focusing on behaviors rather than individuals.
- Share Anonymously: Team members take turns reading each issue aloud as if it were their own.
- Vote & Discuss: After voting on the top issues, the team openly discusses these points and considers new norms.
This exercise has helped many teams I’ve coached to face hidden frustrations directly, creating practical norms for better collaboration. However, timing is crucial; one team I worked with delayed their follow-up discussion, which caused them to lose momentum and impact.
With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, consider the unspoken truths in your own family—and perhaps even more importantly, within your teams. Sometimes, it’s worthwhile to awaken sleeping dogs and bring those hidden dynamics to light.
I can’t promise you that I’ll fix your family dynamics by magic, but if you’re interested in improving your team effectiveness through team coaching, let’s get in touch.
Thank you for reading this blog. I welcome the ideas and topics that you would like to see in the future editions. You can send me a message here or write to me at steliana@mothersasleaders.com.
And if you have not yet subscribed to my email newsletter you can do so here-
https://mailchi.mp/4246b84db22d/a-positive-letter-from-steliana-17604839
Keep well,
Steliana
by mothersasleaders | Aug 10, 2024 | Developing leadership skills as mothers, Parenthood learning by doing, Uncategorized
✨Are you a high-achieving mother who dreams of a career change that brings more flexibility but feels stuck by the uncertainty? Are
you a father with a thriving career but find yourself struggling to balance professional success with being present for your family?
You are not alone.
Back in 2019 I ended a corporate career looking to start an independent consultancy. My early endeavors failed as the pandemic hit. It became clear to me that I had to reinvent myself before I could reinvent my career. The Mothers as Leaders book became my catalyst for change while the Positive Intelligence program became my vehicle to help working parents to move from the survival into the decision mode.
Whether you’re considering a career change or starting a new business, the key to success lies in your mindset. That’s where Positive Intelligence (PQ) comes in.
I’m excited to invite you to join our exclusive Positive Intelligence (PQ) group coaching program starting this September! 🎉
In this transformative program, you’ll:
- Discover how Positive Intelligence (PQ) can help you shift from doubt to confidence.
- Learn about the 3 mental muscles you need to grow to overcome fear and embrace new opportunities.
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This 2-month program is designed for those ready to take action and make a real change. But hurry—only 3 spots are left for the Sept program! Ready to take the leap?
Sign-up your interest for the Fall 2024 Small group programs starting early September and mid-October. We will get back to you shortly.
If you still have questions about the Positive Intelligence framework and how it can help your career, We are offering a free Masterclass (Reinvent your career. Pivot with PQ) on August 23, 1-2 pm CST (8pm CET). It will be an opportunity to ask questions and here from previous participants from our PQ alumni community.
Join us and start your journey toward a more positive and empowered you. 🚀
by mothersasleaders | Jul 30, 2024 | Uncategorized
by mothersasleaders | May 12, 2024 | Uncategorized
Happy Mother’s Day, every day! Mother’s Day may come once a year, but being a mom is a 24/7, 365 days leadership role. This day is a wonderful reminder to express our gratitude, but the truth is, every day is an opportunity to cherish the incredible women who have shaped us into who we are. Here’s to the mothers, leaders, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and mother figures who inspire us daily.
by mothersasleaders | May 10, 2024 | Uncategorized
When I was younger, I resisted the idea of having a role model. When I was asked to share my role model, I would always say: Mahatma Gandhi. This was my automatic answer, partly due to my eagerness to avoid follow-up questions and partly linked to my genuine alignment with Gandhi’s values.
For the people who were really interested in getting to know me better and patient enough to listen to my real story, my role model was truly my grandmother, Sultana. Last month, my grandmother, or Dada, as I called her, would have turned 98 years old. Unfortunately, she passed away when she was still in her sixties. What made my grandmother my role model? She had an asymmetric personality. She wasn’t the sweet and nice grandmother who would cuddle you and spoil you to death with sweets and presents, but she was generous, fair, smart, stubborn, and kind to the entire world, not just her own family.
When I think of the phrase “social responsibility,” her picture comes to my mind.
Dada wasn’t a banker, but she was the first person people in the village approached when they wanted to loan money for buying a house for their son or when they needed to pay for their children’s higher education and couldn’t afford it. She knew exactly how many people in her circle of influence had the extra money to support a good cause, and if she believed that the cause was just, she would become the chief fundraiser for the project.
Beyond all those extraordinary community roles she played, what I liked most about Dada were two of her talents that I mostly benefited from: her cooking skills and her storytelling skills.
Unfortunately, she didn’t pass her cooking talent to me. She cooked for 10 people every day, as she believed that we would always have unexpected guests who would need to be fed. I know of uncles who went out of their way to visit our great grandma during lunchtime every other day. I like to think that I inherited her love of stories. She had the ability to tell a good story with conviction and patience. After the evening meal, she would invite all of us children next to her chair, and she would start her daily story about the adventures of Nasreddin. Later, I found out that Nasreddin is the wise fool character present in many of the tales from the former Ottoman Empire.
Not everyone liked my grandmother, but everyone respected her.
She expected a lot from her family because she believed that we needed to uphold higher moral grounds than anyone else in the village. She was by far the undisputed matriarch in our family, and once she made a decision, after involving everyone in the decision-making process, no one would dare to go against her. Not her husband, my grandfather, who was a quiet and reserved man, and certainly not my dad, who was usually an opinionated man who didn’t get much pushback from his team at work. My mother was smart enough not to confront her directly.
The most important lesson that I learned from my grandmother is that:
‘you need to own your strength and that you need to stand behind your decisions even when the consequences don’t make you look good’
I also learned that courage and kindness can coexist in an authentic feminine style that can be very powerful and effective.
Rediscovering your roots and your early role models is more than melancholic family stories; it is about acknowledging and owning your natural strengths.
Nurture is important, but let’s not forget what nature has given us.
Here are some questions you can reflect on:
- Who was your early role model?
- What lessons did you learn from him or her?
- What are the genetic personality traits or gifts you inherited?
Warm regards,
Steliana
PS – If you haven’t had a chance to read the book Mothers as leaders, the upcoming American Mother’s Day would make a great excuse to buy it and gifted it. It is available on B&N and Amazon as well.
